I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
