well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
They are going to name an STD after you.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize