Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
