I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
