wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
