you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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