Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
