The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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