Where is the hickey?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
