Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
