kristin has been a bad kristin
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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