Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
