There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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