I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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