I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize