Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Randomize
