i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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