question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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