Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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