fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My dad just said "fuck circus"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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