ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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