you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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