your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
