now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just google imaged poop.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
