Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize