Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
