so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It's blow job season.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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