do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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