Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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