Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
