I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
