Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
