Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize