She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
