You're my little dorito
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
