I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
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