u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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