where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
