Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
