So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize