i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
