if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
