I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
