I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
