how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
