so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
