somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
