it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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