i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
