Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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