We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
