did you get engaged???
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
