I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
