Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
