I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
