i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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