he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
