i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
