Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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