you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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