Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
