Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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