if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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