I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
