Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
