Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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