I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
